Thursday, July 28, 2016

THE TECHNICAL WIFE

I was sitting in the court for a hearing and the lawyer was giving this argument that the woman who is asking for money never took any responsibility of a wife, in fact, she lived hardly two months with the husband . Judge listened to the argument carefully and said,” But technically she is a wife and a wife is eligible to ask for money from husband .” The court was adjourned until next date.
After that, I heard this argument again and again in many other cases, “She is technically a wife so she has right over husband’s money .”

                                          What  Makes Them A Technical Wife
These women marry a man as per ritual , wear bangles ,sindoor or mangal sutras ,take pledges. They have sex with the man or even if they do not have does not matter . A marriage is consummated or not is a very complex issue.  And they are abusive, after getting abused whole day how will a man feel like touching his woman . They are not interested in any household chores. If you question them, the reply would be I am not a maid . They are manufactured by the factory of Feminism which taught them doing household chores makes you a maid . They live the life on their own terms , if those terms violate terms of husband’s life , it does not matter to them . They love their parental home more than matrimonial home which is a normal feeling .But they love their parental home so much that they ill treat their husbands as well as his relatives . They are never part of the husband’s sorrows and happiness . They never bothered about his good being ,  they do not even care whether he is dead or alive . Love is a supreme emotion so leave love they never respected their husbands. They leave him without any reason and falsely accuse him of violence and dowry demands . They are not even mother, they only give birth to babies but never take care of them . Feeding  the baby  means losing your figure , another thing which Feminism told them . I have seen fathers taking care of babies more than such mothers. Or the more easy thing is, not allowing a father to meet the child and the easiest thing is to abort the baby .They love to torture both father and child.
 If you see closely they are neither mother nor wife, but lawmakers and law book says technically they are wife . It says whether you take care of the husband  or not you have right over his money . You can extort him by using your own child . Husband is bad but his money is good , this is how a technical wife thinks .

                                                Who Are We ?

Believe it or not, we still exist , we the endangered species , we are not so technical wife . This question comes in my mind often that who are we -
  •  We cook for our husbands ,
  •  We do the household chores ,                                                                                   
  • We ask them  about  their good being ,
  • We call his relatives and share their joy ,
  • We keep fasts for their long lives ,
  • We love them unconditionally
  • We are sad in their sadness and happy in their happiness
  • We keep our husbands before us ,

We are not empowered ones we earn our money ,many of us share the financial burden too  . We keep a balance between matrimonial house and parental house . We take responsibilities and  we discuss instead of arguing. We do not follow Vidya Balan , we do not leave husband’s house , in fact, we make it a HOME . We know when two people from different backgrounds live together there will problems so we work on the problems .We lose the charm , the figure , the beauty  but we love to see our men smiling  . We are women who love their men and everything associated with them .

 These technical wives make us wonder why are we doing it ? Why are we still following the old school ideas of being a wife ? We have an easy way of becoming wife why to follow the hard path ? Time has come when the Law books should define us . Tell us clearly whether to do all this or not . If being a technical wife is enough why to love and care ? Lawmakers should understand the dilemma of not so technical  wives . These technical wives make us feel like a loser , they call us slaves of patriarchy . We do not know what patriarchy is because we have seen our men working day and night to make our lives comfortable . We have seen our men sacrificing their pleasures for us , we have seen our men taking care of our kids after a long tiring day so that we can relax . And we have seen men dying to protect us if this is Patriarchy  it is indeed bad for MEN .

 Dear Lawmakers  define us , we fear to lose identity in this race of empowerment . Please mention it in curriculum clearly that caring for a man makes us his slave . It will help us to teach our daughters not to be a slave .  If it is defined sonorously it will be easy to understand that marriage is just a joke . It is not about commitment , love, and understanding it is about just being a technical wife . It is an insult to women like us who work tirelessly to build up relationships . 

Dear lawmakers , our textbooks should mention that our grandmothers and mothers were stupid losers who happily lived and died for the family . It will be easy for us to grasp the technical wives when our son or brother gets one and it will be easy for them too . Because right now they have this wrong image of wife presented before them . They are confused what to do with this technical wife – they cannot ask her to cook , take care of his parents , take care of their own kids or even to have sex because it can be termed rape . Tomorrow if something happens to the son this technical wife will get benefits, not the mother .


The situation is ambiguous because and  needs clarity . One of us is not the wife as per law ,please lawmakers define us . 

Monday, July 11, 2016

SULTAN - Misandry Redefined

I can imagine the furious faces of Salman fans while I am writing this and I wonder how someone becomes a fan of somebody . Sometimes I think that I have some super powers  , super power to see things which other people do not even realize that they actually exist. When I saw the trailer of this movie SULTAN I clearly saw the Feminist agenda behind the movie . Salman Khan is a complex character , he dated almost all top actresses but never married any of them . He killed some human lives and started a clothing range ,”Being Human .” He keeps on doing thing to cleanse his image but things go wrong . His rape remark was to get attention and sympathy of feminists but it went wrong . So here he did this movie to have the sympathy of women warriors aka feminists fighting for some imaginary oppression .

There are some lazy days when you  do not know what to do , so one lazy Sunday I was in the same position and decided to watch any movie . Sultan was running everywhere so I decided to go for Sultan .This is not a review of the movie this is what a pro men activist noticed in the movie and throughout the movie regretted  the wastage of time , energy and of course the precious middle class hardly earned money .

Generally, if we notice almost all Bollywood masala movies are based on MISANDRY and if one or two movies are made from man’s perspective they are considered ,SEXIST (Pyar ka Panchnama , Aitraaz ). Sultan is the most misandrist movie till date , why ? There are movies based on feminist agendas but this was pure to demonize men . They want to propagate the idea of superiority of women . How ?

What happens in a masala Indian movie , a hero meets heroine they fall in love , the family either is against or agrees , the little struggle ,they marry , the story ends . Here Sultan (Played by Salman khan ) meets Heroine and it is Love at first sight from Hero’s side but the heroine is a male hater feminist . Her first dialogue with hero is ,” Tum ladkon ne ladkiyon ka sadak par chalna mushkil kar rakha hai ( You boys have made difficult for a girl to walk on roads ) . Interesting thing  is this girl (Anukshka Sharma playing Arfa in the movie ) is driving a motorcycle and acting like a victim unnecessarily . While hero is watching her with loving eyes  , she keeps on blabbering  some more feminist stuff. Heroine Arfa is state level wrestling champion and hero is a normal next door boy who’s father abuses him day and night for wasting money .

 Hero keeps on following her and she keeps on insulting him . And then she friend zones him just like a good feminist  ,” AAj se hum acche dost hain (From today on wards we are  good friends) . She tells him story how her father wanted a son but she was born and her mother died , her father was not like other men ( rotten misandry) he trained her for wrestling . In all the friend zoned dates Arfa keeps on lecturing Sultan with feminist words like," Your society thinks that a woman cannot be a wrestler ." Although movie shows people (men/women) praising and cheering . Which society she was talking about i am still confused .

 Arfa and her father has a dream of winning Olympic Gold , remember she has a dream and goal while Sultan is clueless about his Goal . He has only one goal and that is to get this girl Arfa .

Getting all the benefits of being a friend Arfa meets other male friends of Sultan and those friends addressed her as Bhabhi (sister-in-law) and Arfa gets furious on this . She insults sultan calling him a loser and questioning him how can he think of marrying her , “Khud ko dekh aur mujhe dekh “(Look at you and look at me ) . Sultan gives innocent logic that if you are roaming around with me people will think that we are having an affair why to be surprised on it ? Here comes reply from feminist Arfa ,” You all are same , same cheap mentality .” And she leaves him alone , puzzled , abused . Sultan instead of following his life again follows Arfa . He joins the Akhada( wrestling group ) of Arfa’s father . Movie makers want us to believe that a wrestler can be made in a month and Sultan’s box office collection shows people believed it .

Sultan wins the state level championship and now Arfa agrees to marry him . What is so new a woman always chases a successful man !  Everything is good till Sultan and Arfa are chosen for Olympic but Arfa gets pregnant . Arfa’s father yells at her , “yeh kya kiya tum apna sapna bhool gayi” ( what have you done you forgot our dream). When Arfa asks Sultan what does he want a son or a daughter , he replies he wants a son much to disappoint the feminist . Now the man is successful but still feminist is not happy as she thinks Sultan has become arrogant ,”Maine tumse naam kamane ko kaha tha tum to guroor kama ke le aye “ (I asked you to earn name but you earned arrogance ) . This reminds me the dialogue of Pyra ka Punchnama ,where one character points out about movie Batman ,"Batman  was a normal  man and his girlfriend said hey you are nothing , you are a loser and when he became Batman she said oh you have become Batman I wanted a normal man .” Back to Sultan , Arfa does not want Sultan to participate in Olympics as she is in the ninth month of pregnancy . Again movie makers want us to believe that world famous wrestler does not have facilities to take care of his wife during pregnancy .

Sultan refuses to stay back , participates in Olympic wrestling and wins the Olympic gold medal but his son dies as the baby could not get O negative rare blood in the small town of Rewari . And now Arfa gets a perfect moment for the blame game . She blames Sultan for the death of their son and asks him to leave . Sultan leaves like a good boy  stops practicing wrestling  and lives an anonymous life . Again this macho film is turned into romantic one , the hero goes to Dargah every day to watch his wife . Sultan collects money to make  blood bank in the name of his deceased son AMAN .
Sultan decided to come back to the ring as he was not able to collect much money for blood bank also to get the excuse from his wife . His wife Arfa comes to meet him when he is on death bed . Sultan asks her , “Do you think it was your pain only , I am a  father and I too was shattered by the death of our son .” Feminist replies ,”  Maa ka Ghav baap ke dard se zyada hota hai “(mother’s wound is much more than father’s pain ) . Feminism is not about equality it is about the superiority of women , even her pain is superior .

Sultan wins again and Arfa comes back . Once again it becomes a happy family , Arfa is pregnant for the second time and this time Sultan does not make a mistake and says he wants a daughter . And a daughter is born . The movie ends with Sultan training his daughter for wrestling and it gives clear a message – Kill sons use them for sacrifice (AMAN blood bank ) , promote daughters .

P.S. Not anybody’s fan .

Friday, June 17, 2016

Confidare Conference on Men’s Issues (CCMI)

Confidare is not only a platform for listening to men, here we see the larger aspect of the problem. Beyond the world of false cases and winning strategies there is a world called MAN. Man is a whole world in itself and this world is continuously ignored, bashed, battered by stereotypes and being judgmental. When a man connects with his feelings, he cares more, with this thought begun the conference. It was a perfect sunny day of 9 June 2016 at The Paul Bengaluru when all the enthusiastic men gathered to think about themselves. I and Bhuvnesh Sharma hosted the conference.

The conference was formally inaugurated by a retired judge (sessions) of consumer court Justice Sandhya Walimbe.
Justice Sandhya Walimbe 
She presented her views about men and their issues .She quoted Swami Vivekananda ,” Evil is organized and active that is why it wins in the beginning when good people will organize and will be active evil will  vanish.” She added that the conference is the first step towards organizing against evil. She quoted Chanakya too,” Law should be revised after every twelve years.”  She insisted that there is an urgent need of law revision and it should be amended.  Justice Sandhya has a vast knowledge of Indian history and laws, she said that it is not true that British brought laws to India, India always had a law of the land and it was according to our needs and traditions. The law should not be exported from some other land , was the message she wanted to convey.
Dr. Arvind Raj 

Our next Speaker and key note address were given by a senior Doctor of NIMHANS,Bengaluru. Dr. Arvind Raj deals with Psychiatry for social work and has a deep knowledge about mental health issues and well-being of men. He mentioned that suicide is a silent epidemic and every attempt of suicide is to bring attention. It is basically a person saying,” Please look at me I need help.” More men die due to suicide than women .Suicides of men are more successful because they have better access to lethal weapons (however it is US data ) .There is always a prior warning to every suicide but society  ignores such warnings . Suicide wave is just like sea wave, it passes quickly. He said that nobody can have a stress free life, everyone has stress whether it is a baby. A dead body is free from stress which means any stress means you are alive. It is just how a person manages stress. Next he talked about drug abuse, he said women cry and men drink is the concept. When a man is stressed he drinks, smokes and this becomes habit. It is difficult to fight with addiction and people should not be shy of taking help.As there is a stigma with the phrase MENTAL HEALTH that is why men suffer in silence.
Dr. Nagraj 

There was a tea break after this very interesting talk, in the tea time there was a little informal interaction among members from different places.

After Tea break Prof. Nagaraj of national law School of India University presented his views about the men and their legal issues. He talked about the psychological impact of litigations, criminal court and civil proceedings. He started by telling that there are challenges everywhere these days. Mental pressure is a common thing when you are fighting litigations. Any small marital dispute ends up in filing multiple cases by women. 498a is a vicious circle he said, there is no end to it sometimes it takes 7 to 10 years. 498s does not come alone it often comes with domestic violence, maintenance cases. If there are kids involved it becomes an emotional battle too, custody war becomes ugly at times. He pointed the role of media and feminist organizations in such issues. Media makes an issue out of nothing and nasty debates are invited on it. Involvement of feminist groups make it worse, he added that there is lot of foreign funding behind it. The foreign funding to these groups make them strong and they work not only against men rather humanity. Audience asked questions to Prof. Nagaraj which he replied patiently.

There was lunch break after this,people had a casual interaction with Professor Nagaraj. Lunch time was fun time for all.
Virag Dhulia 

Post lunch Mr. Virag Dhulia co-founder of Confidare explained what Confidare is and what it is doing in the field of men’s well-being. He told who the partners are and why it was founded. Also why such conferences are important from time to time. He elucidated how save Indian family Foundation was started and how concept of community center for men came into existence. Confidare prepares reports and researches to sensitize people about men’s issues.
Dr. Pritha Dasgupta 

Dr. Pritha Dasgupta who is professor of sociology in Christ College Bengaluru presented her views. She has done a lot of research in gender issues and she is in touch with Confidare from last 6 years. She said in her dialogue that men are always expected to be tough and strong, society puts them in so much pressure to be strong always. Social isolation is mostly experienced by men she said but it is not talked anywhere. Because there is a lack of understanding in men’s issues, it has brought imbalance in the society. In a collectivist society like India men and women marry not only to a person they are married to a whole family which they are not prepared or trained.for  And this creates rift in future. She added that India is not a patriarchal society it is traditional society and father’s role is very important in any society. It is morally wrong to accuse or alienate a father from his child due to some marital dispute but it is happening all around us. There are changes but very slow. She asserted that organizations like Confidare have potential to bring changes.
Arvind Krishnan 

Next talk was by Arvind Krishnan who is founder and CEO of Fuller life . Fuller life is an employee engagement company and his topic was, “Sports as stress Buster “. He gave us a new concept that sports is not only about playing games or going to a gym, even walking with your Dog is a sport. Take up any activity as a sport, which keeps your mind calm. A calm mind makes a calm body. It is important to reward yourself when you are able to fulfill that activity, this will keep the morale going. He showed pictures of normal men and women who were able to become runners. He made everyone set a goal for next year and seriously start working for that goal. It was a session full of energy and everyone felt motivated,inspired.
Dr. Vikram Rajpurohit 

After this, Dr. Vikram Rajpurohit who is an Ayurveda MD gave an oration about, “Ancient wisdom Of Ayurveda “. He started with that stress is what our body is responding to any demand or threat. Threat triggers stress hormones and our blood pressure, heart rate rises. Stress helps us to remain focused, energetic and alert. But the overloaded stress create problems. Massages with different kind of oils,pranayama, Yoga helps us to fight with the over stress. Ancient Ayurvedic techniques are very conducive to lead a healthy and stress-free life.
Poornalingam Subbaiah 

Next was a prominent member of Confidare Mr. Poornalingam Subbaiah who is a techie by profession and expert with data,statistics. He elaborated how Indian feminists present fudged data and statistics in front of the world to gain more sympathy and funds. He explained how dowry death,dowry, girl education data is manipulated (it will be covered separately in my next blog). This session was an eye opener for many who thought that Government of India does not lie to its citizens.
After this brainstorming session, the conference closed for day one. Day two started with different topics.
Vivek Ganesan 


Another techie closely associated with Confidare Mr. Vivek Ganesan started the second day with talking about our international collaboration. Men’s issues, by and large, are same all over the world and time has come when we must think beyond caste,creed,race,religion,country etc.Mr. Ganesan told us about A Voice for Men AVFM ,which is an international online magazine and it talks about men and their well-being. Mr. Ganesan added that we have a collaboration with it and he handles AVFM India. He further added how AVFM India publishes articles in different Indian languages because communication in local language helps people to get connected. AVFM India has a vast reach of audience and it helps Indian men internationally. He showed us some interesting moments of AVFM India where people have contacted them for weird reasons and it showed the power of their presence. In last year AVFM India published 48 articles in 4 four languages. He ended by urging people to write more articles in different languages for AVFM India.
Puneet Manuja 

Our next Orator was Mr. Puneet Manuja who is co-founder Your Dost. Your dost is a personal emotional wellness coach whom people can talk to for their issues. Mr. Manuja articulated that he started it when one of his classmates committed suicide. He gave people a card and asked everyone to write about 4 things which make them happy and what will be the title of their autobiography. It was a fun exercise which brought smiles on faces. He explained the power of being happy and the power of the smile.
Adv Mahesh Tiwari 


Our next speaker was Mr. Mahesh Tiwari who is a Supreme Court lawyer and is associated with the cause of men for more than 10 years. He told us how Confidare is helping men to do homework before a case is filed. The activism of members made Supreme Court reject the transfer petitions filed by wives 99% time. As he is a lawyer people had many questions for him which he replied one by one.
Deepak Mawandia 


Mr. Deepak Mawandia was the next one to give a presentation out Right to Information act. Mr. Mawandia is a known men’s right activist and a techie by profession. He elaborated what is RTI, how it helps in cases filed against you. It was a very knowledgeable and interactive session where everyone gained something.
Rohit Girdhar

Our last speaker was Mr. Rohit Girdhar, he is a businessman and heads the Father’s right wing of Save Indian Family Foundation. He talked about plight of fathers in India. How a father suffers and struggles to see his children in a matrimonial case. He cited the US data how parental alienation effects children. He analyzed that there is dire need of data in Indian context. As there is no ministry and department for men we do not have any statistics regarding men and fathers.

Mr. Virag Dhulia presented vote of thanks to the organizing team who did preparations for months to make this a successful event. 

After conjuring about men for two days it was time for entertainment. All the members were distributed in four groups and each group was given one situation. They had to perform a small skit in each situation. The situations were –
11.    How do you break the news of your wife of having an extra marital affair to your parents ?
22. You have child visitation order and you go to your wife’s place to execute the order and there is resistance, how will you handle it?
33.    There is police in your office campus and they want to arrest your team mate, how will you handle it?
44.   Your wife has thrown you out of your house and occupied it while you are paying the EMIs for same, how will you handle the situation?



 By these four skits the hidden talent of many members came out. It helped them to portray their pain in a light manner. It was the most enjoyable session where the whole hotel staff enjoyed with us.


Time had come to say good bye but there was the lot more to come. We planned a party at the bar of the hotel, there was DJ night too which made people more enthusiastic. So, the party continued post-midnight. People explored their dancing skills and had a lot of fun together. It was a lifetime experience for all to come on one platform and enjoy in spite of having troubles in their lives. The smiles, the laughter, the emotional good byes and hugs depicted what we have achieved in all these years.

Wednesday, June 1, 2016

Mother – The real culprit

While I am writing this I feel a lot of pain, not only on my body but on my soul. I was standing outside this school where my son learns western dance. I went to pick him up, it was evening.  When children come out of school , the front road is blocked because of vehicles and there is always a traffic jam at that time which is very common in Delhi NCR. So the road was blocked with vehicles ,while all were waiting for kids to come out. All I could hear was horn noise and I was waiting for road to get clear so that I can give side to the vehicles. I was anyways standing at a side still this car behind me was honking. In India (especially north India) if you are standing behind a vehicle you feel it is your moral responsibility to honk. And when there is small vehicle before you , you feel like King . So here the king car was honking because there was a servant scooty standing in front of it . I thought people honk why to turn back and exchange the hard looks , let us wait for the road to get clear . In fraction of seconds a woman came out of the car and grabbed me from behind and scratched me on my neck. I was not ready for this I was about to fall down with my scooty . I balanced myself and pushed her shoulder and asked,”How dare you touch me?”

In another fraction of seconds a young boy of 16 or 17 years of age started beating me. So now these two people were beating and abusing me and I was defending myself with loads of effort. I was shocked, confused that what is happening and why? I was amazed at the boy how can he just grab a woman of his mother’s age and beat her; I was shocked to see that woman who was supporting him. Finally a man interfered and he stopped that young boy from hitting me and I gave that woman two tight slaps on her ear. In the meantime a 12 or 13 year old ugly skimpy clothed girl came out of the car and joined the mother son. She was probably the daughter. They left the scene, continuously abusing me. I was stunned and could not react much as my son was coming out and I did not want to cry in front of him. I called PCR van , registered a complaint some onlookers helped me to get number of the car as I was not in a position to recall the number . I called people to help me, left my son at home and went to the police station. My fellow activists , husband’s colleagues immediately rushed to help me .

By that time my husband reached and finally the tears rolled down. I noticed scratches on my neck and my bleeding middle finger of right hand. I thought of giving the mother-son duo a good lesson. I went for medical so that a strong case can be registered against them. When a woman reaches for medical, hospital is more interested to know if there is rape or not so the doctor asked me , rape hua hai (Was it rape ?) i replied with a blank face ," No." For them it is normal for woman like me it was insulting. I was sitting there thinking,”why did I come here, this is so humiliating.” When I reached police station with the MLC it was 10.30 p.m. The mother daughter and the father were sitting there. I noticed that they are rich and the man is using all connections to close the complaint against them. I saw the arrogance on face of mother and daughter . She was telling police that in spite of honking for two minutes she did not leave the space to let the car go . I asked her do you think you are some queen or some VIP that when you walk all traffic should stop. My husband asked her ,”So if she did not leave the road you will simply come and beat her? “

She was quite on this, I asked police to bring that boy who dared to attack me. I saw the man (husband of the woman) he was humble; I saw fear on his face that his son is in trouble. I overheard him telling someone do not ask him to come out. His son was hiding somewhere because they very well knew that if he came out he will be behind bars. The father was apologizing and was quite but the mother was still in the air of power and money. After few minutes an eye witness woman came and told police that this woman and her son were the first to attack and this woman (me) only defended herself. The eye witness whispered in my ear ,” Giri hui aurat hai iske muh mat lagiye “ ( do not talk to this woman she is a scum). Before this mother was telling police that I attacked her first and I was amazed to hear the lie. While I was surprised to see the expressionless face , I nodded my head and told her ,” No wonder  how a young boy becomes criminal there are mothers like you and then the whole world will blame the boy , today he has beaten me tomorrow he will do same to you , mark my words ."

After the eye witness spoke up that mother took a back foot and was in apologizing mode .When I was in hospital for medical this woman lied to police that I have beaten her up so police asked her to go for medical which she was not ready as she there was no injury mark on her body. Police was annoyed on the verbal battle, S.O.  was shouting ,”this is so nonsense to solve the road rage case “. My husband humbly said,” bring the boy and make him apologize to my wife.” The father said I am apologizing to both of you please close the matter here. My lawyer called and said it is clear matter of outraging the modesty of a woman and attempt to murder. I came out of police station and gave a second thought, “if a case is registered the young boy will be in trouble, his career will spoil .The real culprit mother will not be touched as she is a woman , If they are using connections I have better connection than them, they do not know me. “Me and my husband looked at each other and then saw the father who was deeply saddened.

The boy’s life was in my hands and I decided to spare him because it was not him it was his upbringing. I closed the complaint, the mother came forward to hug me I stopped her and just said, ”God bless the boy who has a mother like you“. A fellow activist put his hand on the father’s shoulder and told him,” You are lucky that you messed up with wrong woman, had it been a right woman you would all have gone.” Fellow activist said to me,” Your situation is so bad Didi you became voice of so many men and then some man comes and does this to you.” I told him.” No it was not the man it is the upbringing, arrogance of rich spoilt brats. It can happen to anyone there were two females too why to only blame that young man .

Me and husband left the police station , I was sitting in the car still crying on the uninvited events . I was recalling face of that boy what made him so angry? Why he was not compassionate that he is hitting an elder person who is of course weaker than him? And then I recalled his mother’s face that unapologetic  look till the eye witness came up.” It is the mother not the son “ , I thought . If my son abuses and hits someone in front of me it is not my son’s fault it is my fault, it is the wrong parenting. It reminded me of the road rage incident of Bihar which led to the death of an innocent life .

Some people were in favour of continuing the complaint but I bought my piece of mind. The police, the court, the medical examination it all happened four years ago too and it still haunts me . I do not want to repeat it all .When we complain about the generation Z getting aggressive have we ever thought about our behavior before them? What example are we presenting before them if we abuse in a mere traffic jam situation?  The rich and spoilt generation of Delhi NCR does not care for dignity of other people.  They got everything easily without struggle and this is how they are using it. Parents are busy in partying and other stuff they do not have time to talk to children. I remember that woman saying,” She (referring to me) spoiled that birthday party of my daughter.”  She did not care that she has hurt me so deeply . How can children of such mother be compassionate? I will give benefit of doubt to the boy he did what he is taught , "Respect your mother even if she is wrong , mother is great."

That mother needs to learn a lesson before the boy and his sister. The kind of attitude that boy has, he will be in trouble soon because every woman is not Jyoti . And it is quite possible that the mother will bring that boy to me. It is not difficult to search a person these days I know the boy’s name, his identity his address, his pictures, the cctv footage but I am not revealing it .I can do what most women are doing these days but I chose to excuse because the real culprit is the woman who gave him birth and brought him up like that. Stay at home parent is the most responsible one if something goes wrong with the kids . But the court will still believe that mothers are great, they can never harm kids. Here you cannot see the visible harm but harm is there, everyone will bear the harm. Today it was me tomorrow it can be you. There should be some license for motherhood and it  should be snatched at these instances, “You are failed as a mother “someone should tell these mothers. I am blaming mother because I saw the attitude of both father and mother.

I have scars both on my body and soul. Scars of my body will heal up soon but scars of my soul will take time. The humiliation makes me sleepless at night, I cry at middle of the night. I am fighting with the thoughts of,” why me and what wrong I did?” At this difficult time I will count my blessings, the eye witness woman who stood beside me without any relationship, the fellow activists who came on just one call ,the couple who took care of my kids and fed them, my father who validated that what i did were my values and I presented good example before my kids, he said forget it as an accident and my biggest blessing my husband who asked me to write this so that the venom comes out of my body before it reaches my soul. In all this mess I missed my brother a lot had he been alive that boy would have been in serious trouble. I know somewhere he must have screamed ,” How dare you touch my sister! “


Those are not road rage incidents those are playing with lives and dignity .Forgive and forget is the mantra of life, I have forgiven but forgetting will take time till then …….. PEACE

Wednesday, April 13, 2016

पुरुष सम्मलेन #CCMI

“पुरुषों के मानसिक स्वास्थ्य एवं कानूनी मामलों” पर कांफिडेयर दो दिवसीय सम्मेलन आयोजित कर रहा है  यह सम्मेलन बंगलुरु में जून के माह में आयोजित किया जायेगा   इस सम्मेलन में वक्ता कार्यस्थल पर पुरुषों की कार्यक्षमता तथा कल्याण को प्रभावित करने वाले विभिन्न विषयों पर अपने विचार व्यक्त करेंगे  

सम्मेलन का उद्देश्य परस्परिक विचार मंच प्रदान करना है ,जहाँ पुरुषों के मानसिक स्वास्थ्य पर चर्चा होगी  और जहाँ कर्मचारी सहायक प्रोफेशनल , कॉर्पोरेट , पुरुष सहायता समूह तथा वे पुरुष जो स्वयं इस तरह के मामलों से गुज़र चुके हैं , जिनसे उनके स्वास्थ्य एवं कार्यस्थल पर उनकी कार्यक्षमता पर असर पड़ा हो , ऐसे लोग अपने विचार रख सकें 

विषय जिन पर  पर वक्ता अपने विचार रख सकते हैं –

१.कॉर्पोरेट जगत में पुरुषों का स्वास्थ्य  
२.वैवाहिक तथा पारिवारिक समस्याएँ  
३.अतरंगी संगी हिंसा
४.मुक़दमों का पुरुषों के स्वास्थ्य पर असर
५.मादक द्रव्य व्यसन  
६.पारिवारिक विवाद में आपातकालीन स्थितियाँ
७.सामाजिक चलन, आंकड़े और सर्वेक्षण   

सम्मेलन के लिए पंजीकरण शुल्क इस प्रकार है –

कंपनी , बहु राष्ट्रीय कंपनी और EAP( कर्मचारी सहायक प्रोफेशनल ) के लिए ४५०० रुपये (वक्ताओं के लिए यह शुल्क लागू नहीं होगा )
व्यक्तिगत भागीदारी २००० रुपये ( यदि ३१ मार्च से पूर्व पंजीकृत हुआ  तो )
२५०० रुपये ( यदि पंजीकरण १ अप्रैल २०१६ से ९ जून २०१६ के मध्य हुआ तो )
३००० रुपये स्थल पंजीकरण , सम्मेलन के दिन  ( केवल नकद )
दिनांक : १० एवं ११ जून
समय : प्रातः९.३० से सांय ६ बजे तक ( दोनों दिन )
अधिक जानकारी के लिए निम्नांकित लिंक करें -
पुरुष सम्मेलन में रजिस्टर करने के लिए यहाँ क्लिक करें –

Thursday, March 31, 2016

THEIRS NOT TO REASON WHY - THEIRS BUT TO DO AND DIE

It was a lazy hot afternoon when I was busy in setting up brand new confidare office in Delhi NCR , when my phone rang .I was not in mood of talking as painting was on in office but phone kept ringing ,so I picked up . There was an elder woman at the other side  , she was kind of panicked . She started telling me how her daughter-in-law is harassing her and her husband. I replied what I generally reply to such calls ask your son to talk to me . To which she replied her son is in army and is posted in North East .  I said,” Alright so tell me what is exactly happening ? “ She told me the usual story that her son is far away as is it non family area so daughter-in-law is with them . The daughter-in-law keeps  harassing them for little issues asks them to name the house in her name and is not ready to leave the house . She also told me how the Army wives welfare association is helping the daughter-in-law . “ Aah the AWWA I know how it works”,  I replied ,” I am a daughter of an ex airman I know how these women association work in armed forces “.

“Yeah I was myself a part of AWWA and  my husband is retired from army” She added  . I instantly replied ,”Then it is KARMA madam why are you complaining now” . She was quite for sometime , then said ,”I agree to every point of yours but my son is suffering , AWWA has instructed to grant a part of his salary to his wife “. Every woman is a Feminist till it comes to her son ,I thought  . I was not surprised on this because it is happening everywhere in armed forces . They do not follow law of land that if wife is earning or is capable of earning no money will be given to her . I gave her initial advises and ask her to follow although I knew she will have tough time with the daughter-in-law as she was not leaving their house . It reminded me of another case of an army officer who was posted in Siachin . His wife took out all money from his account and filed cases on him too , AWWA instructed him to compromise. When I was talking to him I was thinking what must be going on in his mind . He is posted in a freezing tough area where he could barely talk from satellite phone and his wife took all this money! Another man from Air force has a similar story to tell , here the association was AFFWA , the AIR FORCE WIVES WELFARE ASSOCIATION . One of our member from Coastguard has again the same story.
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These incidents made me think what welfare these associations are doing ?  Let us look at the activities of AWWA , why it was made –
AWWA is the acronym for Army Wives Welfare Association. As the association works for the welfare of the spouses, children and dependents of the Army personnel it is aptly referred as the invisible hands that shape the punch of the Indian Army. The association has been officially registered as a Welfare Society with the Registrar of Societies, Delhi Administration on 23 August 1966; the day being celebrated as AWWA Day. It is one of the largest voluntary organizations in India that has charted its course for fulfilling the societal obligation through social empowerment and skill building of spouses and dependents of Army personnel since inception. AWWA aims at the holistic development and well-being of Army Wives including their children and rehabilitation of war anddifferently-abledchildren

They claim to work for dependents but you can notice them working only for the wives just like any other civil body of women organizations . If you see in details of their work there is no provision of listening to the complaints against abusive wives. Any wife of armed forces personnel can reach them and complain against the husband .These bodies can summon that personnel and order an amount for the wife . As we know there is nothing called dispute resolve anywhere it is ultimately about how much money a man can give . Armed forces men have lots of hope that these bodies will listen to them and will try to solve the problem . But the reality is far from any such hope . They listen to the wife and give a decision in their her favour . For example – if the wife is abusive and husband does not want to live with her they will force husband to take back the abusive wife . Generally the Army, Air force or navy area is small one and one dispute between husband and wife means everyone knows what is happening . The WIFE will write letter to all the authorities and the husband becomes culprit in the eyes of everyone . MISANDRY is so ubiquitous that people will believe that abusive wife not the husband .

You will be surprised to know that the Commander whose job is to take care of battalion will listen to the dispute ,is it a commander’s job to do that ? If the officers of Armed forces are doing this who is protecting us ? It is just like most of the police stations have become dispute resolving centers. No man dares to have an argument with such associations and if ever any man tries he has to go through all kind of mental , psychological torture . There are the disguised cases where armed forces men are admitted in the hospital and given treatment for mental disorder if they dare to argue .They are given threats of giving certificate of mentally unstable .This threat makes them bent down in front of any kind of abuse and they think it is better to pay than to get the MENTALLY UNSTABLE spot on their career . This directly means if you are an armed forces man and you have thought of giving tough fight to an abusive wife you are MENTAL .And if the wife belongs to a family of armed forces officer means you have married daughter of a colonel or squadron leader your life becomes miserable . Because these bodies will blindly favour the daughter of an officer .

                            QUALIFICATION TO BECOME A HEAD OF SUCH ASSOCIATIONS

Now the question arises who are these women who become member of such bodies like AFFWA and AWWA or NOWA and what qualification do they need .There is no qualification needed to head such bodies , generally they are wives of officers who are free from any responsibilities  They are not trained , qualified or taught any kind of counselling .Their qualification is that they married an officer of armed forces .If you see closely they do not have any knowledge of matrimonial laws ,they just pass random orders .They will overlook the fact that wife is capable of earning and is abusive so why should husband pay ? The interesting thing in the matrimonial dispute of an armed forces personnel is that his wife can file cases in civil court as well as in front of these bodies . These bodies will not wait for civil court’s judgment and will pass an order to pay wife some amount from husband’s salary. This directly means a man’s wife will get part of his salary who is serving country in some minus 20 degree temperature or in a hard area . What is the contribution of that wife who is enjoying all the benefits of being a wife of an armed forces personnel ? The benefits they get are canteen, subsidized prices on every item, ladies club, help to set up any business etc .It does not matter whether she is fulfilling her conjugal responsibilities or not.
                                                                WHAT IF HE  DIES
The armed forces men are vulnerable, there is no guarantee of their lives. If you are a member of any such family you are kind of prepared for any such situation. Hard area posting means more threat to life . So ,what happens when a man dies while fighting militants or a crash happens or dies while fighting pirates on a ship ? These associations are always ready to help in such a case. The dependents get all the benefits . The most beneficiary one is the war widow .She gets not only sympathy but huge sum of money and other benefits too . In many cases these women remarry but still get all the benefits of being a war widow .When a man dies in a war he becomes HERO , it is important to die to become a HERO. We respect him to the core of our heart  and first thing which comes in our mind is how will woman in his life will survive . Remember woman in his life does not mean the wrinkled woman who gave him birth who nurtured him to become a soldier .Woman in his life means the young woman , his wife .  Did you notice the gallantry awards on republic day,the posthumous awards are received by these young women ( the wife ). We hardly see any mother getting award , what does this show ?
 It shows the same mentality that only young productive woman is a woman not the wrinkled , old one . Does anybody think about those old parents who brought that man up ? Helpage India reports says daughter-in-law torture their in laws more Daughter-in-laws  . But we pamper such daughter-in-laws without any doubt . Because a dead man cannot tell how his wife used to torture him so we believe the wife .

                                                      CHECKS AND BALANCES
There are no checks and balances on such women associations. Nobody can question them for their decisions. It is just like there is no check on the judges who pass any order without looking at the facts. So, if the daughter-in-law is abusive, does not take any marital responsibility, still she is legally wedded wife and get all the benefits . She can blame that man anytime for harassing her for dowry, domestic violence and that man becomes helpless in front of the body which consists of some jobless women and retired men .
 A man who is symbol of courage and manhood  , a man whom we were taught to respect without questioning since childhood is VULNERABLE . Not only at war zone but at his own home, at war zone he is free to beat enemy by weapons but at home he is helpless. There are no weapons to help him, he cannot cry as he is a man that too an armed forces man. We hear the horror stories of service men who kill their own people and commit suicide or suicides of armed forces men. We chose to ignore such stories because we do not want to know the naked truth behind it. Why would an armed forces man will kill his colleagues and kill himself that too in a war area? Did we ever try to understand what was going on in his life and mind ? What pressure he was going through? Were there people around him who were making fun of him that why his wife left him? Was there any AWWA , AFWWA or NOWA involved who humiliated him so much that he had to commit suicide ?Army Jawan kills self 

Armed forces men have a war zone inside them too which nobody can see. The very thought that only men can abuse, haunts them. They are not suppose to open up about it , they are not suppose to question . Their job is to DO AND DIE NEVER ASK WHY ……..
 Refer to below important links -

Some Sanity ? MOD Panel 




Thursday, February 25, 2016

JATS, JNU & Men’s Rights Movement: Do we see any parallels?

Often people ask, why we can’t start a big movement like Jats or why we can’t draw support like JNU men. In spite of the fact that Men’s right movement is prominent in India we are constantly ignored by the mainstream media and of course government. Numerous protests,debates, articles could not bring a visible change. Only change we brought is people and even politicians are talking about misuse of gender-biased laws like 498A, Domestic Violence Act, etc. But the Men’s Rights Movement is much more than mere misuse of laws and nothing concrete is done to check the misuse either. A question also came up that we talk about the general hatred towards men,Misandry. So why we are not supporting men of JNU. Let us analyze all these questions.

THE JAT MOVEMENT

It is an open secret that Jats does not need any reservation; in fact nobody needs reservation. But still, the movement is on with all the violent protests. They are burning shops, misbehaving with people and killing too. It is clearly politically motivated.Caste based reservation is a political issue. And a vote bank is associated with it. Whenever there is voice raised against reservation you will notice how media starts reporting news, “Dalits not allowed inside temple“or“Dalit girl raped by upper caste goons“.

Nobody knows the authenticity of such news but because vote bank is strong, these news are circulated all over the social media and other places. If media does not give coverage to a movement it will die a natural death but media gives importance to the negative news to bring down the image of India. So, Jat movement is successful. It gives a message if you want something you need to be violent, silent protests will not work. Men’s Rights Movement has till now used the peaceful weapons, not the violent one so we are not noticed so much. If government agrees to the demands of Jat community the message is loud and clear.

THE PSEUDO INTELLECTUALS OF JNU

Why we are not supporting Kanhaiya Kumar, Umar Khalid or even Rohith Vemula? Places like JNU have been the hotbeds of feminism and leftist ideology. Both feminism and leftist ideology has always been anti-Indian and for some unknown reason anti Hindu and above all anti men.
Most media is anti-men and they will only support men when they speak anti Hindu or anti India or pro women. JNU is doing all this so media gave them a big coverage. They are worried about beating of Kanhaiya not about those men who are insulted,beaten in the mediation centers or prison for the fake cases of dowry/domestic violence. Umar Khalid is a helpless man for them, but not men like Syed Makhdoom, who felt so helpless that they were forced to commit suicide. They are worried about Rohith Vemula suicide not the sky rocketing suicide of married men.
All these men give a message that if you want to get heard, speak anti-India, talk anti-Hindu or be a Dalit. It is a matter of debate whether Rohith Vemula was really a Dalit but he was definitely a leftist. These leftists want to give rights to women and responsibilities to men. Why these men want other men to suffer because that is how they can rule or become an alpha man. Kanhaiya,Umar, Rohith are alpha men who have women followers going gaga over them.
We often hear news of sexual harassment in JNU and such news is suppressed always. Khurshed Anwar, another JNU product had to commit suicide and these so called scholars did not come in front to support him. Because he did not write in his suicide note anything about targeted for being a Muslim or Dalit so there was no charm in that suicide. Also, he had spearheaded the protests in December 2012, instrumental in getting the new rape law passed. One year later, he was victimized under the same law and he had no option but to kill himself.
These JNU people act as self-proclaimed intellectuals because for them being intellectual means taking stand against nation and men. I remember my experience of entering into one such campus and the faculty, there, did not even listen to the point while we were ready for a healthy debate.
JNU is always ready to go anti men as they did in 2012. There was already a law for rape and no amendment was needed but the intellectuals did a violent protest and the bill was passed. Khurshed paid the price for being part of one such protest . In 2005 Supreme Court declared DOWRY LAW as Legal Terrorism, the Intellectuals once again ransacked the premises of Supreme Court with the help of some feminist organizations.
If the young men and women merely studying arts and social sciences are scholars or intellectuals, then what about those who are discovering technologies to make life easy for other people?
Or those who are dying at borders to save the so called intellectuals. If they are really students why they are so interested in making India unrest ?Why no medical and engineering college never stands up for such an activity? Why these bunch of so called students are so worried about only traitors?
It does not matter to us whether Kanhaiya was beaten up or Umar Khalid was arrested. Everyday millions of men are beaten up,killed,burnt,and arrested for no crime at all. Does it matter to pseudo intellectuals? Here also message is loud and clear – claim to be a Dalit or a confused atheist Muslim or support a terrorist you will be heard and get support.

MINDSET

Mindset of people is important for a mass movement. The general mindset is, “Aadmi to aise hi hote hain “(Men are like that only). This is not the mindset of general public but of those too who are in the movement.  I met many men who are trapped in cases but have filed cases on their sister’s husband for same. Also there are men who believe that women were actually oppressed!
Basically the INTERNAL MISANDRY is making them behave like a judgmental feminist. They will call themselves neutral and take a visibly neutral stand. It is hurting the Men’s Rights Movement but people are not aware of it.
Generally the people who are doing this harm are those who never felt the heat as much as a real Men’s Rights Activist (MRA),did so it does not hurt them. These people are here for mere attention and they are getting it too.The sole purpose of people who come to us is to get divorced and marry again. Even if they marry they can contribute but unfortunately it does not happen.  A real MRA will get all kind of abuses and criticism for taking a tough stand. It is a big disappointment for a man who really wants to contribute.

THE MEDIA 


Media is a part of society, if society is full of misandry what to expect from media. Media has its own hidden agenda, they give importance to negative news about India. They will organize a debate to discuss a feminist issue and they will invite the apparently neutral people as MRA. Media wants some entertainment so it uses the neutral ones as jokers.
Jokers are supposed to entertain so they do it. The purpose is solved for both, media provides entertainment in the name of talking about men and the neutral ones get attention.  Real issue nobody wants to discuss, media has a set agenda of being anti-India and anti-men. So, when the pseudo intellectuals shouted anti India slogans media stood with them. Also whenever these pseudo intellectual organizes some anti men campaign media gives them support.
Media does not have any power if we start questioning them and do not trust them with blind eyes but as we also have misandry in deep heart we immediately believe them.And hence people like Rajdeep Sardesai, Sagarika Ghose, Barkha Dutt gain prominence and spread venom in the society.


Media does not have the guts to face real MRA; whenever it does it has to hide face. So, we are away, in fact far away, from the news channels and headlines of newspapers. But we know MISNADRY does not always work, JNU is caught and so is media. What MRM will do in this situation, we will enjoy this circus and wait for some other male haters to be caught soon.