Thursday, January 5, 2017

Media – The New Age Terror

                            A man was narrating his story in the community center – “We were sitting in a pub on Friday night and having drinks. I got up to buy another drink,  a girl groped me from behind blabbering some name. I was stunned, immediately removed her hands and told her politely, hello! I think you are mistaken madam the name you are saying is not me . She was too drunk to understand , my friends suggested me to leave her and run out of pub before she creates a drama . I did what they suggested . “

This man was saved , it could have been rape anytime if woman complained . Is that so easy ? Of course it is , even if you want to believe the man’s part media will not let you do that . When I say media it is all media collectively . Gone are the days when media worked hard to find out the truth now they work hard to make a man criminal and propagate that all Indian men are potential rapists . If you observe the news closely you will feel depressed and negative about everything .  You will feel you are living your life with molesters , rapists and abusers . The man who earns for you is an abuser , the man who brings milk is a rapist and the man who helped you in lifting a heavy bag is a molester.
I was a journalism student and I remember what we were taught. We were taught not to show or explain about a dead man/woman’s body because dead has a dignity too. But if you see today they will purposely show the naked bodies to create the sensation . Sensation is the new word for media, show or write anything which creates a sensation . So if rape creates a sensation use it. Everything changed overnight in 2012, every rape became gang rape. It proves out to be false and nobody apologizes in the end still it is repeated every time any such news comes.

Media is obsessed with rape, also it is obsessed with demonizing India and specifically Indian men. As Sri Sri said they love to talk anti-India. If there is no rape they will create one, take the example of Jat reservation protests. Media created a story of gang rape, in fact, they found some women too who said we were raped. They sensationalized it so much that everyone was talking about how bad Indian men are and how unsafe women are in India.The Sardesais, The Barkhas were ranting on TV that Indian men are perverts. The same Sardesais, Barkhas did not give any apology when it proved to be wrong. The journalist  Tariq Anwar confessed in the court that everything said about Murthal gang rape was fake. Why it was created no media told us ? No debates were organized on why a fake gang rape story was circulated. But there were debates on the gang rape, all red big bindis on TV were shaming  Indian men , patriarchy , Indian culture.

What exactly happened In Badayun (UP) nobody knows till date. Was it an honor killing or a suicide or a love affair gone wrong no one knows. But it was propagated that those girls were gang raped and hanged.  All we saw was a tree and two girls hanging and a story created around them.  And once again Indian media was ready to paint every Indian man as a rapist .

The way the so-called rape was reported in 2012 shows what media can do. If you explain every cut of a dead body it will create a sensation . They were giving news of every minute and people were crying at homes. I wonder why media did not do same to Late Capt Saurav Kalia  Why his cuts and wounds could not make news? Because we are gender specific in cuts and wounds too, female blood is pious male blood is water. Also, why would we talk about capt Kalia he was not a rapist, media teaches us to only think about rape and rapists.
After media did this to Delhi in 2012 (Rape Capital tag ), it was continuously trying to defame Bangalore.If you google now,  rape capital it will give you answer Delhi and if you google emerging rape capital it will give you reply Bangalore . Media did this earlier too to Banaglore but got a better chance this time  . Media and probably some political party too , chose MG road new year celebrations . Again there is no complaint , no noise from people but only from media . And please note as every rape is gang rape now , every molestation is mass molestation . So it was propagated as mass molestation at MG road Bangalore . Those who know Bangalore very well must be familiar, what MG road is famous for .
But how does it matter if you know what happens in a crowded place where liquor and weed is common , media will make you believe that every Bangalore man is a molestor and he does not molest alone he molest in groups . Brakhas and Sardesais geared up , debates are organized and  male bashing started . If you see closely how it all begun . New year was celebrated on 31 December 2016 night and there was no news of any such thing on Januray 1 , 2017 . All of a sudden the term mass molestation arrived and it was all over the media . Still there was no complaint filed and statements were coming that media created this News .Then suddenly a CCTV footage comes where a man is groping a woman .  How that footage was described by feminists and Media – Two men groped woman while crowd , police watched silently . Man groped her tried to take her on to the bike trying to kidnap her .
If you see that footage there are two men and one man groped woman probably kissed her or said something to her which she probably  doesn’t agrees . Pushed her and ran away on scooter . The other man on scooter watches them , there is no police . And that incident is not of MG new year  so called mass molestation  . Did that woman came forward and file FIR ? No still seven men  are detained  and nobody knows what is happening to them .  I think that is enough for media to believe that every Banaglore man is roaming to rape a woman . Whatever happened to that woman in CCTV footage must have happened with so many men but robbing , raping , murdering a man is acceptable . All the pictures presented for that night are either distorted or blurred. Police is tired of saying zero evidence  but still BBCs, CNNs wants us to believe that mass molestation did happen. Interestingly , when news reports a false rape the animation remains same , a man groping woman and woman screaming in horror.

What is common in debates  after every such fake incident :

  •     Indian men are pervert
  •    Men should learn to respect women
  •    Clothes have nothing to do with the mentality
  •    Indian women are oppressed from ages
  •    Some attention seeking celebrity telling us story how she was molested once
  •    Big Bindi gang shouting in loud voice – Hang the rapist
  •   Political parties accusing each other of not keeping law and order in the city 

1       And what happens when it is proved wrong ? A pin drop silence by every media and desperate search for some other similar incident.

There are some very expert feminist men and women on social media who have every logic to prove that someone somewhere is raping and I can be raped anytime. So I should be careful as they are praying for it , wishing for it and probably working towards it . While abusing me they forget that they were preaching respect women and I am a woman. I am a woman so I am supposed to say, "Every man is a potential rapist and if I do not say this , they will wish me getting raped .

                         Now the question is why media is so anti India and anti Indian men ?  

Almost all media houses and feminists are financed by western  agencies . We are 1.2 billion people , it is not easy to conquer us by terrorism , conversion and weapons as we are aware of all the three . There is lot of work happening in these areas  . So how to break India now ? What is our strength we have ? Our biggest strength is our family system and who works hard to protect the  family , society and ultimately a nation - A man . How to finish this man and his family  –

*BREAK his morale by calling him molestor , rapist and abuser
 *Propagate that Indian women were always suppressed
* Propagate that  Indian men are oppressors
* Break the trust among men and women
* keep fueling the gender war
* create incidents of false rape , molestation , abuse
* Demand more anti men laws
* Pamper women so much that any crime by her should be seen as an act of vengeance
* Demand rights for women with zero responsibilities

All this will create so much guilt in men that either they will succumb or will commit crime . If they succumb it is good for the the sponsored media and feminists and if they commit crime it is equally good for fueling more hatred .

This is happening slowly around us and we are unaware of it . Too much information is flowing all around us and we are made to believe it . The 24 hours channels , the facebook , the twitter has made things worse . It is said that if you speak a lie for hundred times it becomes truth , finally the lie about men has become truth . A truth which is half baked , which is actually a lie but we are believing it and adding to it by saying ,” Outside men are doing it we Mumbaites / Bangalorites / Delhites don’t do it . “  Remember Mumbai , Bangalore , Delhi , UP , Tamilnadu whatever place you belong to when you stand in a court room accused by a woman you are just the Indian oppressor man .

Media is no more a fourth pillar of democracy , it is conspiring to demolish the biggest democracy of the world . Neither ISIS nor Taliban the new age terror is the media , you will not know and you will be finished-off. There should be case on media houses for  giving bad name to the country and men , they should be treated like traitors . Till we believe the media we cannot progress and we cannot live a peaceful life . 

Thursday, December 15, 2016

India - Paradise For Female Criminals

I was on a honey badgers radio when a question about India was raised whether it is the third world country or not. I am not a very patriotic kind so I did not feel offended. But question  emerged in my mind after the radio talk, Is India really a third world country? Many worlds live together inside India, one can find most advanced people living with all the technologies and still not happy and then there are people living without even the basic necessities still they are happy. So what is the criteria of being a first world country?  Google gives this definition of first world countries –
The term "First World" refers to so called developed, capitalist, industrial countries, roughly, a bloc of countries aligned with the United States after World War II, with more or less common political and economic interests: North America, Western Europe, Japan and Australia.

But I feel these term first world, developing countries or third world countries are another types of RACISM. This racism divides us in many ways, we just close eyes on some common problems thinking this is their world problem or this is First world problem. The ambitious powerful people want us to get divided so that problem should not be addressed as a whole.

So ,here we are thinking that third world women are suppressed and they need protection. If you see closely problems are same for men and women in any country be it the first world or third world. But it is propagated as suppression of women. And most of the time problems are addressed with preconceived notions. For example – we were meeting some members of parliament for one upcoming bill which was totally against men. This female minister a big name in parliament pointed out,” Girls are still not allowed to go to school in their periods in rural areas.” I politely said, “madam don’t you think free sanitary napkins and workshop on periods should be there instead of bringing this bill? This is divorce bill it has nothing to do with girls and their periods.”  She became quiet for some moment. In puberty boys too go through so many hormonal changes but nobody gives attention to it , in fact, it is not even discussed.
Talking about India, it has a whole history of protecting women and it goes to the extent that it has given a shield to the criminal women.Our scriptures, Vedas, religion talk about respecting women, worshipping mothers, protecting sisters. For us WOMAN is pious as God, so if you are hurting a woman you are hurting God. The good men in our mythology or history were either great protectors of women or away from them treating every woman as mother and sister. And if we talk about crime against women it is not a separate issue. Crime as a whole was always there in every society and is still there.
We have a history of saving criminal women otherwise. Starting with Indian mythology, Soorpnakha actually tried to rape Rama and Lakshamana but she was spared by only cutting the nose. In revenge, she provoked her brother Ravana that he is not able to protect his sister’s honor which is the prime responsibility of a man. In Mahabharata, there is the example of Ulupi who raped Arjuna while he was practicing celibacy. And these women were never punished. Ganga killed her own children and she is still a devi ( goddess ) for us. If a man deserted his wife because his wife was adulterous it was not a woman’s fault it was still a man’s fault ( Ahilya – Gautam ). Draupadi was said to be molested by Duryodhana keeping a blind eye on the fact that she first insulted Duryodhana. Whole Mahabharata was actually created by Draupadi. And Ramayana was the creation of multiple women – Kaikeyi, Seeta, Soorpnakha.  In both the epic wars men are accused of oppressing women by  Indian feminists.

It followed in modern era too, when laws were made women were given that special shield. As a result in India, there is no domestic violence law for men, women cannot be punished for adultery. Not only this even for the gender-neutral crimes women are rarely punished. And if they are ever punished whole society rises to protect them. Recently an Indian minister said,”Excuse them they are women.”  No woman can be accused of rape in spite of the fact that we keep on hearing horrible stories of women raping men and children. Rape of a man by the woman is a hilarious joke for us. Whole separate laws are there to protect women but feminists keep on demanding more laws. It would not be a surprise if a new Indian penal code is written someday especially dedicated to women.
Let us take some very famous examples where women were let off of a gruesome crime.

Rajiv Gandhi assassination – Our late Prime Minister Rajiv Gandhi was assassinated is a well-known fact. Many people were arrested for the assassination including Nalini Sriharan .They were given death sentence but Nalini was exempted because she had a minor daughter. Her death sentence was turned into life term and she is trying to come out the jail now and she is considered as class “A” convict.


They  Killed  Children – The two sisters Renuka Shinde, Seema Gavit and their mother were convicted of death sentence for killing five children . They were charged with 13 kidnaps and 9 murders. Presently they are in Yerwada jail Pune waiting for their death penalty. Their mother died inside the jail and I am sure that the sisters too will die a natural death one day.

The Neeraj Grover Muder Case - In this gruesome murder Neeraj Grover was murdered and cut into pieces. In this murder Jerome Mathew and Maria Susairaj were caught but Maria walked free as she was only accused of destroying the evidence. The fact is that she bought the knife to cut Neeraj into pieces.

CYANIDE Mallika  – Mallika was convicted of 6 murders and she was awarded death sentence but it was converted into life term.

MAKHDOOM SUICIDE CASE  – Makhdoom not only committed suicide, he filmed his suicide before dying. A lot of protests by men’s right activists made police arrest his wife. But she was released after some time as she was given” Benefit Of Doubt “by a judge . According to Judge video of  Makhdoom is not clear so the wife cannot be convicted. 

Roop Kishor Agrawal Suicide Case Does anybody know about him? Roop Kishor Agrawal was a happy man with a small family of wife and daughter. He gave his house on rent and trouble started from there. An argument with the tenant lady took him behind bars on the charges of RAPE. This was the time of 2012 when everyone labeled each Indian man as Rapist. Newspapers were filled with the news of rape only. RoopKishor could not get bail for more than a month. When he got bail he went home and committed suicide. That tenant lady is roaming free as usual , no action was taken against her .

Nisha Sharma Case –  Nisha Sharma became a celebrity overnight by refusing to marry the man as he was demanding dowry from her. She was even invited by Oprah Winfrey. Later on, during the trial, she could not prove the dowry allegations and it was found that she was having an affair with some other man so she refused to marry this man by accusing him of demanding dowry. The man whom she accused and his family was arrested and he even lost his job.
She is a legend for those women who never got punished on falsely accusing men of dowry and domestic violence.

 Even in false rape cases, women are never punished for destroying a man’s life. When we say gender justice in India it means justice to women only. Gender word is used for women.
If you see all the above examples not a single woman is hanged till date in spite of the fact that women are equal to men in crimes. These are few big examples, we have numerous such examples where women were never punished. A lot of men who come to me at the community center, ask this question – “Is there a way of punishing our wives/girlfriends who are lying ?” Every time this question is asked, I sigh and say NO, because that is the brutal truth. Had there been a way to punish these liar women things would have been different. It gives you sinking feeling when you read a whole lie against yourself  when a complaint is filed for the first time and it is a normal feeling that,”Will she be punished for these lies ?”

And then you come to know that there is no way to punish her or even raise a voice against the injustice. As there are a whole culture and etiquette of not punishing but respecting women, leave these normal liars, not even the hardcore criminal women were punished. If they were punished their hard punishment was turned into a mild one. Judiciary works with a thought of protecting and respecting women so they never give the proper justice. In fact, judges try to settle the case between parties, even rape cases are settled with money.

If men are so bad in India why these women settle with the bad man's money? And why judges just let them go Scot-free when they are proved wrong? When Feminists in India demand equality they do not mean EQUALITY, they mean special privileges. The privilege of having reserved seats not only in jobs but in public transports, the privilege of having flexible working hours (and crying wage gap ), a privilege of not working in spite of being educated and asking for maintenance /alimony, the privilege of not taking responsibility and blaming men for everything. Equality word is just an eye wash because no feminist demanded punishment for criminal women rather they protect them.When a man commits crime mentality is,”Men are like that they need harsh punishment,” when a woman commits crime mentality changes,” Oh poor woman she must be having some provocation otherwise women are not like that .”

If you still feel women are being oppressed in India you are part of the problem and till this thought of respecting women goes around, there would not be any justice. Women will keep on committing crime and society will keep on giving them shield in the name of WOMAN. And Feminists will keep on projecting fudged data and sad false stories of women harassment to bring more money. This money will be as usual used for false propaganda against Indian men and we will keep on believing the fabricated lies of media and government. 

Thursday, October 6, 2016

नीलम कटारा बनाम फेमिनिस्ट

कई वर्ष पहले मेरे पति नीलम कटारा से एक यात्रा के दौरान मिले थे ।मेरे पति ने उनसे मिलकर पूछा था ,” आप नीलम कटारा जी हैं ना , आपका संघर्ष देख कर हौसला मिलता है। ” बदले में जो नीलम जी ने जो कहा वो था ,” जी हाँ मैं ही नीलम हूँ , नितीश और नितिन की माँ और मेरे बेटे के कातिलों के लिए यह सज़ा ही बहुत बड़ी है कि उनको कोर्ट में घंटो इंतज़ार करना पड़ता है । ” तब उनको शक था कि उन्हें न्याय मिलेगा या नहीं । यह शब्द उस माँ के थे जिसके बेटे के कातिलों को आज कोर्ट ने सजा सुना दी है। उसकी तपस्या आज सफल है , मीडिया के गलियारों में थोड़ी हलचल है ,मगर वैसी नहीं जैसी अमूमन किसी महिला के लिए होती है , क्यों ? फेमिनिस्ट भी चुप हैं , नीलम कटारा फेमिनिस्ट आइकॉन नहीं हैं क्यों ? कैसे एक घटिया चिट्ठी , ट्वीट या बरसों पुरानी घटना कह भर देने से कोई महिला ब्रेवहार्ट बन जाती है और पुरुष महिला को सम्मान देने वाला बन जाता है मगर इतनी बड़ी लडाई ज्यादा बड़ी खबर नहीं बन पायी ?

यहाँ हत्या एक बेटे की हुई थी , उस बेटे का कसूर था एक रसूखवाले की बेटी से प्रेम करना।  अगर बेटी मारी जाती तो वो ऑनर किलिंग होती , मगर मारा गया बेटा । और बेटा घर का ऑनर ( इज्ज़त ) नहीं बंधुआ मजदूर होता है।अगर एक बंधुआ मजदूर मर भी गया तो अफ़सोस किस बात का , क्यों उसकी माँ इतनी हाय तौबा मचाये हुए है ? क्यों उसने १४ वर्ष वनवास की भांति एक लम्बी लडाई लड़ी और जीती ?

ध्यान दीजिये कि फेमिनिस्ट आइकॉन बनने के लिए लडाई लड़के की नहीं लड़की की होनी चाहिए और औरत झुर्रियां पड़ी हुई माँ नहीं चिकने चेहरे वाली पत्नी , गर्लफ्रैंड या फिर कोई भी जवान औरत होनी चाहिए। और इस जवान औरत की लडाई एकदम झूठी बेसिर पैर की होनी चाहिए जैसे - मुझे दहेज़ के लिए टार्चर किया गया , मुझ पर घरेलू हिंसा हुई या मेरे साथ ज़बरदस्ती की गयी। आप आँख मूंदकर उस जवान चिकने गलोंवाली पर विश्वास कर लेते हैं। आपको झुर्रियां पड़ी हुई लड़के की माँ याद तक नहीं आती। यह बात सिर्फ उनकी नहीं है जिन पर आज तक कोई आरोप नहीं लगा है , यहाँ बात उनकी भी है जो आरोपों से घिरे हुए हैं मगर समझते हैं कि उनको फंसाया गया है क्योंकि कहीं कोई पुरुष किसी स्त्री के साथ ज़रूर ऐसा कर रहा होगा।

हाँ तो बात हो रही थी नीलम कटारा की उसके जैसी झुर्रियां पड़ी हुई औरत अपने दोनों बेटों के लिए संघर्ष कर रही थी।  हम अख़बारों में पढ़ रहे थे कि नितीश कटारा को मार दिया गया , उसकी गर्लफ्रेंड भारती को शक था , उसने नितीश को बचाने के भरसक कोशिश की पर वो हार गयी।  भारती पर इतना दबाव डाला गया कि वह कभी नितीश के पक्ष में बयान नहीं दे पायी।  दबाब तो नीलम कटारा पर भी रहा होगा पर वह भिड़ी हुई थीं, एक दबंग बाहुबली माफिया/ नेता से।  उसके दूसरे बेटे नितिन को भी ज़हर देकर मारने ने साज़िश हुई , नीलम फिर भी नहीं डरी।वो लडती रही एक भ्रष्ट व्यवस्था से और रसूखवाले लोगों से। मैं क्यों यह सब लिख रही हूँ क्योंकि मुझे बताया गया था कि लड़कियां इसलिए समझौता कर लेती हैं कि वो डर जाती हैं। कुछ दिन पहले एक पत्रकार महोदया मेरा साक्षात्कार लेने आई , यह और बात है कि वह साक्षत्कार आज तक नहीं प्रकाशित नहीं हुआ। असल में वह यह जानना चाह रही थी कि इस औरत को समस्या क्या है ,यह क्यों आदमी का पक्ष लेकर इतने जोर शोर से मुहीम चलाये हुए है। 

मेरे कुछ सवालों का जवाब वो बिलकुल नही दे पाई , उसका कहना था कि बेचारी लड़कियां दबाव में आकर न केवल समझौता करती है बल्कि शिकायत वापस भी ले लेती हैं।  मैंने पूछा दबाव किसका होता है , लड़के पर तो क्रिमिनल केस होता है। वो तो जमानत या जेल की तैय्यारी कर रहा होता है और रेप के मामलों में तो जमानत का सवाल ही नहीं है। लड़का पहले ही जेल जाता है और जब तक जमानत मिलती है तब तक उसकी ज़िन्दगी का एक हिस्सा बर्बाद हो चुका होता है। लड़की पैसे लेकर समझौता कर लेती है , दहेज़ के मामलों में वापिस पति के साथ रहने को तैयार होती है या फिर बहुत सा पैसा लेकर तलाक लेती है। ज़्यादातर मामलों में तलाक भी नहीं लेती गुज़ारा - भत्ता लेकर काम चलाती रहती है।  कोर्ट में आना बंद कर देती है और इसके बदले उनको कोई सजा नहीं मिलती।  क्रिमिनल मामला स्टेट के विरुद्ध होता है तो लड़का और उसका परिवार जहाँ बरसों फंसे रहते हैं , लड़की लिखित आरोप लगाकर गायब हो जाती है।  पति के पास वापिस आने की बात करती है क्योंकि उसके अपने पिता और भाई उसका साथ नहीं देते और उनकी अपनी बेटी/बहन उनके लिए बोझ बन जाती है।  उन्होंने मामला न्याय के लिए नहीं दर्ज कराया होता उन्होंने मामले दर्ज कराया होता है लड़के को डरा धमका के पैसे दिलाने के लिए।  पत्रकार महोदया शांत थी इस बात का वो क्या जवाब देती तो चुप चाप चली गयीं। 

मगर मैं शांत नहीं रह पायी , यदि दहेज़ , घरेलू हिंसा , बलात्कार के आरोप सच्चे हैं तो लड़िये।  मुंह छिपाकर कोर्ट से बचना क्यों ? मतलब साफ़ है सारे आरोप झूठ का पुलिंदा होते हैं और लडको को डराकर पैसा निकलने की तरकीब है। अगर लड़का डर गया तो लड़की कामयाब और अगर लड़के ने लडाई लड़ने की ठान ली तो लड़की और परिवार गायब हो जाते हैं। ऐसा नहीं है कि इस गोरखधंधे का पता पुलिस , न्यायालयों , फेमिनिसटों को नहीं हैं बल्कि वो इस धंधे में शामिल हैं।  आप महिला थाने जाईये आपसे कहाँ जायेगा पैसा देकर समझौता कर लीजिये , आप न्यायालय जाईये जज की कुर्सी पर बैठा न्यायाधीश पूछेगा ,” कितना दे सकते हो , दे दो पैसे ख़तम करो।” आप कहोगे कि मैंने कोई हिंसा नही की मैंने दहेज़ नहीं माँगा मेरे पास सबूत हैं। उस जज को आपके सबूतों से नहीं आपकी पाकिट से मतलब है , लड़की को उसके साथ कुछ रात बिताने की कीमत दे दो ख़तम करो।  अजीब लग रहा है पढ़कर , पर सच्चाई यही है कि यह मामले दहेज़ , घरेलू हिंसा , रेप के नहीं दलाली के हैं । और यहाँ एक दलाल नहीं होता कम से कम तीन दलाल होते हैं – लड़की का बाप , लड़की का भाई और जज . वकील और पुलिस भी लगभग इसी श्रेणी में आते हैं।  न जाने ऐसे कितने ही मामले हैं जहाँ लड़का मर चुका है , उसकी पत्नी ने कोर्ट में आना बंद कर दिया है क्योंकि कुछ माल मिलना नहीं है मगर लड़के का परिवार तारीख पर आता जा रहा है।  तकनीकी रूप से लडकी को पेश होने को कहा जा सकता है मगर ऐसा होता कभी नहीं।  क्रिमीनल मामले ख़तम नहीं होते अगर खतम हो जाएँ तो कमाई कहाँ से होगी ? यह जितने भी फेमिनिस्ट टेलीविज़न , अख़बारों में दहेज़ , घरेलू हिंसा का रोना रोते हैं यही मामले पैसे से "सेटल"करवाने में शामिल होते हैं। यदि आप इस फेर में हैं कि यह महिला हित की बात करते हैं तो समझ लीजिये इनका व्यवसाय है महिला हित की बात करना। समाज टूटा रहे , अपराध होते रहे तभी इनका व्यवसाय चलेगा वरना यह कहाँ का तर्क है कि महिला के विरुद्ध अपराध बंद होने चाहिए। इसका सीधा अर्थ यह हुआ कि महिला की हत्या बंद हो मगर पुरुष की होती रहे हमे कोई मतलब नहीं है। 
                              दहेज़ है क्या 
 कुछ भी नहीं जी हाँ कुछ भी नहीं।  जब एक शादी होती है तो उसमे पूरा व्यवसाय किया जाता है।  लड़का कितना कमाता है , उसके पास अपना घर है कि नहीं , उसके ऊपर जिम्मेदारियां क्या क्या हैं , विदेश घुमायेगा या नहीं , गहने कितने देगा शादी में और बाद में। उसके बदले में लड़की वाला अपनी बेटी को कुछ गिफ्ट दे देता है जिसमे इलेक्ट्रॉनिक आइटम , गहने कपडे थोडा बहुत पैसा शामिल होता है।  याद रखिये जो लड़की की तरफ से आ रहा है झगडे के समय वही दहेज़ माना जायेगा बाकी लड़की जो लड़के का सामान ले जाएगी या क्लेम करेगी वो सब स्त्री-धन है यानी चित भी मेरी पट भी मेरी।  यदि शगुन के पैसे देना दहेज़ जैसा खतरनाक गुनाह है , तो त्योहारों पर लिया/दिया जाने वाला शगुन क्या है ? मुझे तो २१ रुपये भी गुनाह लगते हैं जो मेरी मौसी मुझे चलते वक़्त देती है क्योंकि तथाकथित दहेज़ और उस शगुन के २१ रुपयों में बिलकुल अन्तर नहीं है।  मैं हंसकर और गंभीर होकर कई बार कह चुकी हूँ पहले इस ११ , २१ , ५१ पर रोक लगवा कर कोई दिखाए शादी तो बड़ा आयोंजन होता है . और दहेज़ सचमुच कुछ नहीं होता क्योंकि जब शादी होती है तो कोई लड़की सिर्फ इसलिए शादी नहीं तोड़ देती कि ,” मेरे पिता को १००० रुपये देने पड़ रहे हैं मैं शादी नहीं करुँगी या मेरी ससुराल से मुझे गहने नहीं चहिये .” देखी आपने आज तक कोई ऐसी लड़की ? या कोई लड़की अपने पिता या भाई से यह ही कह दे , “ मुझे यह सब नहीं चाहिए आप तो मेरे नाम संपत्ति कर दो। ” नहीं कहेगी क्योंकि फेमिनिस्म पति का घर छोड़ने और इलज़ाम लगाने को कहता है , पिता का नहीं।  जिस दिन लड़कियों ने पिता के घर पर हक माँगा बाज़ी उसी दिन पलट जाएगी। अगली बार जब आप को लगे धारा ४९८अ का दुरूपयोग हो रहा है तो याद रखना कि धारा ४९८अ इसी उपयोग के लिए बनी थी।  यहाँ किसी को लड़ना नहीं हैं बस सौदा करना है . सौदा आदमी के जज्बातों का , जिस्म का और उसके जीवन का। 
कितनी फेमिनिस्ट हैं जो खर्चीली शादियों के विरोध में बात करती है ? बाज़ार में हर नया फैशन शादी का हिस्सा होता है। वही अखबार जो दहेज़ का रोना रोते हैं, गर्व से ब्राइडल कलेक्शन छाप रहे हैं , गहनों की बड़ी कंपनियां धड़ल्ले से गहनों के विज्ञापन में तथाकथित दहेज़ का प्रचार करती हैं।  और फिर तथाकथित पुरुषसत्तात्मक समाज में पुरुषों इसको जुर्म बनाकर बताकर गिरफ्तार कर लिया जाता है। जबकि गहने , कपडे , साज सज्जा का एक पूरा बाज़ार सिर्फ महिलाओं के बल पर चलता है। इसलिए सवाल अभी भी वही है , यह दहेज़ है क्या ?  
                                 घरेलू हिंसा 
यही हाल घरेलू हिंसा का है , वह कुछ भी हो सकती है।  बचपन में जो कुछ माँ – बाप ने सिखाया था वह सब घरेलू हिंसा है। वहां से मत जाना वहां अधेरा होता है खतरा है , यह घरेलू हिंसा कैसे बनता है देखिये ,” इन्होने वहां बत्ती लगवाने की दरख्वास्त ना देकर अपनी पत्नी को वहां जाने से रोका यह घरेलू हिंसा है आप स्त्री को कहीं आने जाने से नहीं रोक सकते। ” यह सब फेमिनिस्म की अंधी दौड़ का नतीजा है कि ,” मैं नंगी घूमूंगी मगर आप मेरी तरफ देख नहीं सकते क्योंकि वो बलात्कार है ( stare rape ) ” आपकी पत्नी बच्चे पर ध्यान नहीं देती आपने उसे टोका यह घरेलू हिंसा है ,” क्या बच्चे की देखभाल सिर्फ एक माँ का काम है ? उसको हक नहीं कि कुछ देर सहेलियों से बात कर ले या अपनी माँ से चुगली कर ले आप तो ऑफिस में ऑफिस में रोज़ मज़े करते हो , वो क्या घर पे सिर्फ खाना बनाने के लिए है .” यह सब घरेलू हिंसा का दायरे में आता है।  आपको इसका खामियाजा अपनी जेब से भरना पड़ता है क्योंकि सारा दुःख , सारी हिंसा सब पैसे से ख़तम हो जाता है।  पैसा फेंकते रहो बिना सवाल किये तो कभी दहेज़ , घरेलू हिंसा की बात नहीं उठेगी और कभी आपने गलती से कोई सवाल कर दिया तो आप माने ना माने आप अपराधी हैं। 

नीलम कटारा भी आइकॉन होती अगर वो पैसे से समझौता करती , जगह जगह महिला होने का रोना रोती और लडाई उसके बेटे की नहीं बेटी की होती। वो दबाव के आगे झुककर रोई नहीं बस लडती रही साल दर साल। झुर्रियों वाली ग्लैमर रहित नीलम कटारा जवाब है उन चिकनी समर्थ , हृष्ट पुष्ट महिलाओं को जो महिला होने का रोना रोकर , आरोप लगाकर साफ़ बच जाती हैं और हमारी सड़ी व्यवस्था ऐसी महिलाओं का पक्ष लेती है। शर्म से डूब मरना चाहिए उन सब महिलाओं का जो आरोप लगाकर गायब हैं और उनके घरवालों को जो अपनी ही बेटी का सौदा कर रहे हैं मगर ऐसा होगा नहीं क्योंकि यह महिला सशक्तिकरण का प्रतीक हैं। महिला सशक्तिकरण और फेमिनिज्म दोनों महिला को पीडिता की तरह जीने की राह दिखाते हैं और जब आप उस राह पर चलने से मना कर देते हैं तो आप नीलम कटारा बन जाते हैं। ऐसी ना जाने कितनी नीलम कटारा पुरुष और महिला रूप में हमारे आस - पास मौजूद हैं , जो एक लम्बी लडाई के लिए तैयार हैं मगर विरोधी चुप बैठ गए हैं क्योंकि आरोप झूठे बेबुनियाद हैं या विरोधी पैसे ले चुके हैं और अब उनको लड़ने में कोई दिलचस्पी नहीं है। 

Thursday, July 28, 2016


I was sitting in the court for a hearing and the lawyer was giving this argument that the woman who is asking for money never took any responsibility of a wife, in fact, she lived hardly two months with the husband . Judge listened to the argument carefully and said,” But technically she is a wife and a wife is eligible to ask for money from husband .” The court was adjourned until next date.
After that, I heard this argument again and again in many other cases, “She is technically a wife so she has right over husband’s money .”

                                          What  Makes Them A Technical Wife
These women marry a man as per ritual , wear bangles ,sindoor or mangal sutras ,take pledges. They have sex with the man or even if they do not have does not matter . A marriage is consummated or not is a very complex issue.  And they are abusive, after getting abused whole day how will a man feel like touching his woman . They are not interested in any household chores. If you question them, the reply would be I am not a maid . They are manufactured by the factory of Feminism which taught them doing household chores makes you a maid . They live the life on their own terms , if those terms violate terms of husband’s life , it does not matter to them . They love their parental home more than matrimonial home which is a normal feeling .But they love their parental home so much that they ill treat their husbands as well as his relatives . They are never part of the husband’s sorrows and happiness . They never bothered about his good being ,  they do not even care whether he is dead or alive . Love is a supreme emotion so leave love they never respected their husbands. They leave him without any reason and falsely accuse him of violence and dowry demands . They are not even mother, they only give birth to babies but never take care of them . Feeding  the baby  means losing your figure , another thing which Feminism told them . I have seen fathers taking care of babies more than such mothers. Or the more easy thing is, not allowing a father to meet the child and the easiest thing is to abort the baby .They love to torture both father and child.
 If you see closely they are neither mother nor wife, but lawmakers and law book says technically they are wife . It says whether you take care of the husband  or not you have right over his money . You can extort him by using your own child . Husband is bad but his money is good , this is how a technical wife thinks .

                                                Who Are We ?

Believe it or not, we still exist , we the endangered species , we are not so technical wife . This question comes in my mind often that who are we -
  •  We cook for our husbands ,
  •  We do the household chores ,                                                                                   
  • We ask them  about  their good being ,
  • We call his relatives and share their joy ,
  • We keep fasts for their long lives ,
  • We love them unconditionally
  • We are sad in their sadness and happy in their happiness
  • We keep our husbands before us ,

We are not empowered ones we earn our money ,many of us share the financial burden too  . We keep a balance between matrimonial house and parental house . We take responsibilities and  we discuss instead of arguing. We do not follow Vidya Balan , we do not leave husband’s house , in fact, we make it a HOME . We know when two people from different backgrounds live together there will problems so we work on the problems .We lose the charm , the figure , the beauty  but we love to see our men smiling  . We are women who love their men and everything associated with them .

 These technical wives make us wonder why are we doing it ? Why are we still following the old school ideas of being a wife ? We have an easy way of becoming wife why to follow the hard path ? Time has come when the Law books should define us . Tell us clearly whether to do all this or not . If being a technical wife is enough why to love and care ? Lawmakers should understand the dilemma of not so technical  wives . These technical wives make us feel like a loser , they call us slaves of patriarchy . We do not know what patriarchy is because we have seen our men working day and night to make our lives comfortable . We have seen our men sacrificing their pleasures for us , we have seen our men taking care of our kids after a long tiring day so that we can relax . And we have seen men dying to protect us if this is Patriarchy  it is indeed bad for MEN .

 Dear Lawmakers  define us , we fear to lose identity in this race of empowerment . Please mention it in curriculum clearly that caring for a man makes us his slave . It will help us to teach our daughters not to be a slave .  If it is defined sonorously it will be easy to understand that marriage is just a joke . It is not about commitment , love, and understanding it is about just being a technical wife . It is an insult to women like us who work tirelessly to build up relationships . 

Dear lawmakers , our textbooks should mention that our grandmothers and mothers were stupid losers who happily lived and died for the family . It will be easy for us to grasp the technical wives when our son or brother gets one and it will be easy for them too . Because right now they have this wrong image of wife presented before them . They are confused what to do with this technical wife – they cannot ask her to cook , take care of his parents , take care of their own kids or even to have sex because it can be termed rape . Tomorrow if something happens to the son this technical wife will get benefits, not the mother .

The situation is ambiguous because and  needs clarity . One of us is not the wife as per law ,please lawmakers define us . 

Monday, July 11, 2016

SULTAN - Misandry Redefined

I can imagine the furious faces of Salman fans while I am writing this and I wonder how someone becomes a fan of somebody . Sometimes I think that I have some super powers  , super power to see things which other people do not even realize that they actually exist. When I saw the trailer of this movie SULTAN I clearly saw the Feminist agenda behind the movie . Salman Khan is a complex character , he dated almost all top actresses but never married any of them . He killed some human lives and started a clothing range ,”Being Human .” He keeps on doing thing to cleanse his image but things go wrong . His rape remark was to get attention and sympathy of feminists but it went wrong . So here he did this movie to have the sympathy of women warriors aka feminists fighting for some imaginary oppression .

There are some lazy days when you  do not know what to do , so one lazy Sunday I was in the same position and decided to watch any movie . Sultan was running everywhere so I decided to go for Sultan .This is not a review of the movie this is what a pro men activist noticed in the movie and throughout the movie regretted  the wastage of time , energy and of course the precious middle class hardly earned money .

Generally, if we notice almost all Bollywood masala movies are based on MISANDRY and if one or two movies are made from man’s perspective they are considered ,SEXIST (Pyar ka Panchnama , Aitraaz ). Sultan is the most misandrist movie till date , why ? There are movies based on feminist agendas but this was pure to demonize men . They want to propagate the idea of superiority of women . How ?

What happens in a masala Indian movie , a hero meets heroine they fall in love , the family either is against or agrees , the little struggle ,they marry , the story ends . Here Sultan (Played by Salman khan ) meets Heroine and it is Love at first sight from Hero’s side but the heroine is a male hater feminist . Her first dialogue with hero is ,” Tum ladkon ne ladkiyon ka sadak par chalna mushkil kar rakha hai ( You boys have made difficult for a girl to walk on roads ) . Interesting thing  is this girl (Anukshka Sharma playing Arfa in the movie ) is driving a motorcycle and acting like a victim unnecessarily . While hero is watching her with loving eyes  , she keeps on blabbering  some more feminist stuff. Heroine Arfa is state level wrestling champion and hero is a normal next door boy who’s father abuses him day and night for wasting money .

 Hero keeps on following her and she keeps on insulting him . And then she friend zones him just like a good feminist  ,” AAj se hum acche dost hain (From today on wards we are  good friends) . She tells him story how her father wanted a son but she was born and her mother died , her father was not like other men ( rotten misandry) he trained her for wrestling . In all the friend zoned dates Arfa keeps on lecturing Sultan with feminist words like," Your society thinks that a woman cannot be a wrestler ." Although movie shows people (men/women) praising and cheering . Which society she was talking about i am still confused .

 Arfa and her father has a dream of winning Olympic Gold , remember she has a dream and goal while Sultan is clueless about his Goal . He has only one goal and that is to get this girl Arfa .

Getting all the benefits of being a friend Arfa meets other male friends of Sultan and those friends addressed her as Bhabhi (sister-in-law) and Arfa gets furious on this . She insults sultan calling him a loser and questioning him how can he think of marrying her , “Khud ko dekh aur mujhe dekh “(Look at you and look at me ) . Sultan gives innocent logic that if you are roaming around with me people will think that we are having an affair why to be surprised on it ? Here comes reply from feminist Arfa ,” You all are same , same cheap mentality .” And she leaves him alone , puzzled , abused . Sultan instead of following his life again follows Arfa . He joins the Akhada( wrestling group ) of Arfa’s father . Movie makers want us to believe that a wrestler can be made in a month and Sultan’s box office collection shows people believed it .

Sultan wins the state level championship and now Arfa agrees to marry him . What is so new a woman always chases a successful man !  Everything is good till Sultan and Arfa are chosen for Olympic but Arfa gets pregnant . Arfa’s father yells at her , “yeh kya kiya tum apna sapna bhool gayi” ( what have you done you forgot our dream). When Arfa asks Sultan what does he want a son or a daughter , he replies he wants a son much to disappoint the feminist . Now the man is successful but still feminist is not happy as she thinks Sultan has become arrogant ,”Maine tumse naam kamane ko kaha tha tum to guroor kama ke le aye “ (I asked you to earn name but you earned arrogance ) . This reminds me the dialogue of Pyra ka Punchnama ,where one character points out about movie Batman ,"Batman  was a normal  man and his girlfriend said hey you are nothing , you are a loser and when he became Batman she said oh you have become Batman I wanted a normal man .” Back to Sultan , Arfa does not want Sultan to participate in Olympics as she is in the ninth month of pregnancy . Again movie makers want us to believe that world famous wrestler does not have facilities to take care of his wife during pregnancy .

Sultan refuses to stay back , participates in Olympic wrestling and wins the Olympic gold medal but his son dies as the baby could not get O negative rare blood in the small town of Rewari . And now Arfa gets a perfect moment for the blame game . She blames Sultan for the death of their son and asks him to leave . Sultan leaves like a good boy  stops practicing wrestling  and lives an anonymous life . Again this macho film is turned into romantic one , the hero goes to Dargah every day to watch his wife . Sultan collects money to make  blood bank in the name of his deceased son AMAN .
Sultan decided to come back to the ring as he was not able to collect much money for blood bank also to get the excuse from his wife . His wife Arfa comes to meet him when he is on death bed . Sultan asks her , “Do you think it was your pain only , I am a  father and I too was shattered by the death of our son .” Feminist replies ,”  Maa ka Ghav baap ke dard se zyada hota hai “(mother’s wound is much more than father’s pain ) . Feminism is not about equality it is about the superiority of women , even her pain is superior .

Sultan wins again and Arfa comes back . Once again it becomes a happy family , Arfa is pregnant for the second time and this time Sultan does not make a mistake and says he wants a daughter . And a daughter is born . The movie ends with Sultan training his daughter for wrestling and it gives clear a message – Kill sons use them for sacrifice (AMAN blood bank ) , promote daughters .

P.S. Not anybody’s fan .

Friday, June 17, 2016

Confidare Conference on Men’s Issues (CCMI)

Confidare is not only a platform for listening to men, here we see the larger aspect of the problem. Beyond the world of false cases and winning strategies there is a world called MAN. Man is a whole world in itself and this world is continuously ignored, bashed, battered by stereotypes and being judgmental. When a man connects with his feelings, he cares more, with this thought begun the conference. It was a perfect sunny day of 9 June 2016 at The Paul Bengaluru when all the enthusiastic men gathered to think about themselves. I and Bhuvnesh Sharma hosted the conference.

The conference was formally inaugurated by a retired judge (sessions) of consumer court Justice Sandhya Walimbe.
Justice Sandhya Walimbe 
She presented her views about men and their issues .She quoted Swami Vivekananda ,” Evil is organized and active that is why it wins in the beginning when good people will organize and will be active evil will  vanish.” She added that the conference is the first step towards organizing against evil. She quoted Chanakya too,” Law should be revised after every twelve years.”  She insisted that there is an urgent need of law revision and it should be amended.  Justice Sandhya has a vast knowledge of Indian history and laws, she said that it is not true that British brought laws to India, India always had a law of the land and it was according to our needs and traditions. The law should not be exported from some other land , was the message she wanted to convey.
Dr. Arvind Raj 

Our next Speaker and key note address were given by a senior Doctor of NIMHANS,Bengaluru. Dr. Arvind Raj deals with Psychiatry for social work and has a deep knowledge about mental health issues and well-being of men. He mentioned that suicide is a silent epidemic and every attempt of suicide is to bring attention. It is basically a person saying,” Please look at me I need help.” More men die due to suicide than women .Suicides of men are more successful because they have better access to lethal weapons (however it is US data ) .There is always a prior warning to every suicide but society  ignores such warnings . Suicide wave is just like sea wave, it passes quickly. He said that nobody can have a stress free life, everyone has stress whether it is a baby. A dead body is free from stress which means any stress means you are alive. It is just how a person manages stress. Next he talked about drug abuse, he said women cry and men drink is the concept. When a man is stressed he drinks, smokes and this becomes habit. It is difficult to fight with addiction and people should not be shy of taking help.As there is a stigma with the phrase MENTAL HEALTH that is why men suffer in silence.
Dr. Nagraj 

There was a tea break after this very interesting talk, in the tea time there was a little informal interaction among members from different places.

After Tea break Prof. Nagaraj of national law School of India University presented his views about the men and their legal issues. He talked about the psychological impact of litigations, criminal court and civil proceedings. He started by telling that there are challenges everywhere these days. Mental pressure is a common thing when you are fighting litigations. Any small marital dispute ends up in filing multiple cases by women. 498a is a vicious circle he said, there is no end to it sometimes it takes 7 to 10 years. 498s does not come alone it often comes with domestic violence, maintenance cases. If there are kids involved it becomes an emotional battle too, custody war becomes ugly at times. He pointed the role of media and feminist organizations in such issues. Media makes an issue out of nothing and nasty debates are invited on it. Involvement of feminist groups make it worse, he added that there is lot of foreign funding behind it. The foreign funding to these groups make them strong and they work not only against men rather humanity. Audience asked questions to Prof. Nagaraj which he replied patiently.

There was lunch break after this,people had a casual interaction with Professor Nagaraj. Lunch time was fun time for all.
Virag Dhulia 

Post lunch Mr. Virag Dhulia co-founder of Confidare explained what Confidare is and what it is doing in the field of men’s well-being. He told who the partners are and why it was founded. Also why such conferences are important from time to time. He elucidated how save Indian family Foundation was started and how concept of community center for men came into existence. Confidare prepares reports and researches to sensitize people about men’s issues.
Dr. Pritha Dasgupta 

Dr. Pritha Dasgupta who is professor of sociology in Christ College Bengaluru presented her views. She has done a lot of research in gender issues and she is in touch with Confidare from last 6 years. She said in her dialogue that men are always expected to be tough and strong, society puts them in so much pressure to be strong always. Social isolation is mostly experienced by men she said but it is not talked anywhere. Because there is a lack of understanding in men’s issues, it has brought imbalance in the society. In a collectivist society like India men and women marry not only to a person they are married to a whole family which they are not prepared or trained.for  And this creates rift in future. She added that India is not a patriarchal society it is traditional society and father’s role is very important in any society. It is morally wrong to accuse or alienate a father from his child due to some marital dispute but it is happening all around us. There are changes but very slow. She asserted that organizations like Confidare have potential to bring changes.
Arvind Krishnan 

Next talk was by Arvind Krishnan who is founder and CEO of Fuller life . Fuller life is an employee engagement company and his topic was, “Sports as stress Buster “. He gave us a new concept that sports is not only about playing games or going to a gym, even walking with your Dog is a sport. Take up any activity as a sport, which keeps your mind calm. A calm mind makes a calm body. It is important to reward yourself when you are able to fulfill that activity, this will keep the morale going. He showed pictures of normal men and women who were able to become runners. He made everyone set a goal for next year and seriously start working for that goal. It was a session full of energy and everyone felt motivated,inspired.
Dr. Vikram Rajpurohit 

After this, Dr. Vikram Rajpurohit who is an Ayurveda MD gave an oration about, “Ancient wisdom Of Ayurveda “. He started with that stress is what our body is responding to any demand or threat. Threat triggers stress hormones and our blood pressure, heart rate rises. Stress helps us to remain focused, energetic and alert. But the overloaded stress create problems. Massages with different kind of oils,pranayama, Yoga helps us to fight with the over stress. Ancient Ayurvedic techniques are very conducive to lead a healthy and stress-free life.
Poornalingam Subbaiah 

Next was a prominent member of Confidare Mr. Poornalingam Subbaiah who is a techie by profession and expert with data,statistics. He elaborated how Indian feminists present fudged data and statistics in front of the world to gain more sympathy and funds. He explained how dowry death,dowry, girl education data is manipulated (it will be covered separately in my next blog). This session was an eye opener for many who thought that Government of India does not lie to its citizens.
After this brainstorming session, the conference closed for day one. Day two started with different topics.
Vivek Ganesan 

Another techie closely associated with Confidare Mr. Vivek Ganesan started the second day with talking about our international collaboration. Men’s issues, by and large, are same all over the world and time has come when we must think beyond caste,creed,race,religion,country etc.Mr. Ganesan told us about A Voice for Men AVFM ,which is an international online magazine and it talks about men and their well-being. Mr. Ganesan added that we have a collaboration with it and he handles AVFM India. He further added how AVFM India publishes articles in different Indian languages because communication in local language helps people to get connected. AVFM India has a vast reach of audience and it helps Indian men internationally. He showed us some interesting moments of AVFM India where people have contacted them for weird reasons and it showed the power of their presence. In last year AVFM India published 48 articles in 4 four languages. He ended by urging people to write more articles in different languages for AVFM India.
Puneet Manuja 

Our next Orator was Mr. Puneet Manuja who is co-founder Your Dost. Your dost is a personal emotional wellness coach whom people can talk to for their issues. Mr. Manuja articulated that he started it when one of his classmates committed suicide. He gave people a card and asked everyone to write about 4 things which make them happy and what will be the title of their autobiography. It was a fun exercise which brought smiles on faces. He explained the power of being happy and the power of the smile.
Adv Mahesh Tiwari 

Our next speaker was Mr. Mahesh Tiwari who is a Supreme Court lawyer and is associated with the cause of men for more than 10 years. He told us how Confidare is helping men to do homework before a case is filed. The activism of members made Supreme Court reject the transfer petitions filed by wives 99% time. As he is a lawyer people had many questions for him which he replied one by one.
Deepak Mawandia 

Mr. Deepak Mawandia was the next one to give a presentation out Right to Information act. Mr. Mawandia is a known men’s right activist and a techie by profession. He elaborated what is RTI, how it helps in cases filed against you. It was a very knowledgeable and interactive session where everyone gained something.
Rohit Girdhar

Our last speaker was Mr. Rohit Girdhar, he is a businessman and heads the Father’s right wing of Save Indian Family Foundation. He talked about plight of fathers in India. How a father suffers and struggles to see his children in a matrimonial case. He cited the US data how parental alienation effects children. He analyzed that there is dire need of data in Indian context. As there is no ministry and department for men we do not have any statistics regarding men and fathers.

Mr. Virag Dhulia presented vote of thanks to the organizing team who did preparations for months to make this a successful event. 

After conjuring about men for two days it was time for entertainment. All the members were distributed in four groups and each group was given one situation. They had to perform a small skit in each situation. The situations were –
11.    How do you break the news of your wife of having an extra marital affair to your parents ?
22. You have child visitation order and you go to your wife’s place to execute the order and there is resistance, how will you handle it?
33.    There is police in your office campus and they want to arrest your team mate, how will you handle it?
44.   Your wife has thrown you out of your house and occupied it while you are paying the EMIs for same, how will you handle the situation?

 By these four skits the hidden talent of many members came out. It helped them to portray their pain in a light manner. It was the most enjoyable session where the whole hotel staff enjoyed with us.

Time had come to say good bye but there was the lot more to come. We planned a party at the bar of the hotel, there was DJ night too which made people more enthusiastic. So, the party continued post-midnight. People explored their dancing skills and had a lot of fun together. It was a lifetime experience for all to come on one platform and enjoy in spite of having troubles in their lives. The smiles, the laughter, the emotional good byes and hugs depicted what we have achieved in all these years.

Wednesday, June 1, 2016

Mother – The real culprit

While I am writing this I feel a lot of pain, not only on my body but on my soul. I was standing outside this school where my son learns western dance. I went to pick him up, it was evening.  When children come out of school , the front road is blocked because of vehicles and there is always a traffic jam at that time which is very common in Delhi NCR. So the road was blocked with vehicles ,while all were waiting for kids to come out. All I could hear was horn noise and I was waiting for road to get clear so that I can give side to the vehicles. I was anyways standing at a side still this car behind me was honking. In India (especially north India) if you are standing behind a vehicle you feel it is your moral responsibility to honk. And when there is small vehicle before you , you feel like King . So here the king car was honking because there was a servant scooty standing in front of it . I thought people honk why to turn back and exchange the hard looks , let us wait for the road to get clear . In fraction of seconds a woman came out of the car and grabbed me from behind and scratched me on my neck. I was not ready for this I was about to fall down with my scooty . I balanced myself and pushed her shoulder and asked,”How dare you touch me?”

In another fraction of seconds a young boy of 16 or 17 years of age started beating me. So now these two people were beating and abusing me and I was defending myself with loads of effort. I was shocked, confused that what is happening and why? I was amazed at the boy how can he just grab a woman of his mother’s age and beat her; I was shocked to see that woman who was supporting him. Finally a man interfered and he stopped that young boy from hitting me and I gave that woman two tight slaps on her ear. In the meantime a 12 or 13 year old ugly skimpy clothed girl came out of the car and joined the mother son. She was probably the daughter. They left the scene, continuously abusing me. I was stunned and could not react much as my son was coming out and I did not want to cry in front of him. I called PCR van , registered a complaint some onlookers helped me to get number of the car as I was not in a position to recall the number . I called people to help me, left my son at home and went to the police station. My fellow activists , husband’s colleagues immediately rushed to help me .

By that time my husband reached and finally the tears rolled down. I noticed scratches on my neck and my bleeding middle finger of right hand. I thought of giving the mother-son duo a good lesson. I went for medical so that a strong case can be registered against them. When a woman reaches for medical, hospital is more interested to know if there is rape or not so the doctor asked me , rape hua hai (Was it rape ?) i replied with a blank face ," No." For them it is normal for woman like me it was insulting. I was sitting there thinking,”why did I come here, this is so humiliating.” When I reached police station with the MLC it was 10.30 p.m. The mother daughter and the father were sitting there. I noticed that they are rich and the man is using all connections to close the complaint against them. I saw the arrogance on face of mother and daughter . She was telling police that in spite of honking for two minutes she did not leave the space to let the car go . I asked her do you think you are some queen or some VIP that when you walk all traffic should stop. My husband asked her ,”So if she did not leave the road you will simply come and beat her? “

She was quite on this, I asked police to bring that boy who dared to attack me. I saw the man (husband of the woman) he was humble; I saw fear on his face that his son is in trouble. I overheard him telling someone do not ask him to come out. His son was hiding somewhere because they very well knew that if he came out he will be behind bars. The father was apologizing and was quite but the mother was still in the air of power and money. After few minutes an eye witness woman came and told police that this woman and her son were the first to attack and this woman (me) only defended herself. The eye witness whispered in my ear ,” Giri hui aurat hai iske muh mat lagiye “ ( do not talk to this woman she is a scum). Before this mother was telling police that I attacked her first and I was amazed to hear the lie. While I was surprised to see the expressionless face , I nodded my head and told her ,” No wonder  how a young boy becomes criminal there are mothers like you and then the whole world will blame the boy , today he has beaten me tomorrow he will do same to you , mark my words ."

After the eye witness spoke up that mother took a back foot and was in apologizing mode .When I was in hospital for medical this woman lied to police that I have beaten her up so police asked her to go for medical which she was not ready as she there was no injury mark on her body. Police was annoyed on the verbal battle, S.O.  was shouting ,”this is so nonsense to solve the road rage case “. My husband humbly said,” bring the boy and make him apologize to my wife.” The father said I am apologizing to both of you please close the matter here. My lawyer called and said it is clear matter of outraging the modesty of a woman and attempt to murder. I came out of police station and gave a second thought, “if a case is registered the young boy will be in trouble, his career will spoil .The real culprit mother will not be touched as she is a woman , If they are using connections I have better connection than them, they do not know me. “Me and my husband looked at each other and then saw the father who was deeply saddened.

The boy’s life was in my hands and I decided to spare him because it was not him it was his upbringing. I closed the complaint, the mother came forward to hug me I stopped her and just said, ”God bless the boy who has a mother like you“. A fellow activist put his hand on the father’s shoulder and told him,” You are lucky that you messed up with wrong woman, had it been a right woman you would all have gone.” Fellow activist said to me,” Your situation is so bad Didi you became voice of so many men and then some man comes and does this to you.” I told him.” No it was not the man it is the upbringing, arrogance of rich spoilt brats. It can happen to anyone there were two females too why to only blame that young man .

Me and husband left the police station , I was sitting in the car still crying on the uninvited events . I was recalling face of that boy what made him so angry? Why he was not compassionate that he is hitting an elder person who is of course weaker than him? And then I recalled his mother’s face that unapologetic  look till the eye witness came up.” It is the mother not the son “ , I thought . If my son abuses and hits someone in front of me it is not my son’s fault it is my fault, it is the wrong parenting. It reminded me of the road rage incident of Bihar which led to the death of an innocent life .

Some people were in favour of continuing the complaint but I bought my piece of mind. The police, the court, the medical examination it all happened four years ago too and it still haunts me . I do not want to repeat it all .When we complain about the generation Z getting aggressive have we ever thought about our behavior before them? What example are we presenting before them if we abuse in a mere traffic jam situation?  The rich and spoilt generation of Delhi NCR does not care for dignity of other people.  They got everything easily without struggle and this is how they are using it. Parents are busy in partying and other stuff they do not have time to talk to children. I remember that woman saying,” She (referring to me) spoiled that birthday party of my daughter.”  She did not care that she has hurt me so deeply . How can children of such mother be compassionate? I will give benefit of doubt to the boy he did what he is taught , "Respect your mother even if she is wrong , mother is great."

That mother needs to learn a lesson before the boy and his sister. The kind of attitude that boy has, he will be in trouble soon because every woman is not Jyoti . And it is quite possible that the mother will bring that boy to me. It is not difficult to search a person these days I know the boy’s name, his identity his address, his pictures, the cctv footage but I am not revealing it .I can do what most women are doing these days but I chose to excuse because the real culprit is the woman who gave him birth and brought him up like that. Stay at home parent is the most responsible one if something goes wrong with the kids . But the court will still believe that mothers are great, they can never harm kids. Here you cannot see the visible harm but harm is there, everyone will bear the harm. Today it was me tomorrow it can be you. There should be some license for motherhood and it  should be snatched at these instances, “You are failed as a mother “someone should tell these mothers. I am blaming mother because I saw the attitude of both father and mother.

I have scars both on my body and soul. Scars of my body will heal up soon but scars of my soul will take time. The humiliation makes me sleepless at night, I cry at middle of the night. I am fighting with the thoughts of,” why me and what wrong I did?” At this difficult time I will count my blessings, the eye witness woman who stood beside me without any relationship, the fellow activists who came on just one call ,the couple who took care of my kids and fed them, my father who validated that what i did were my values and I presented good example before my kids, he said forget it as an accident and my biggest blessing my husband who asked me to write this so that the venom comes out of my body before it reaches my soul. In all this mess I missed my brother a lot had he been alive that boy would have been in serious trouble. I know somewhere he must have screamed ,” How dare you touch my sister! “

Those are not road rage incidents those are playing with lives and dignity .Forgive and forget is the mantra of life, I have forgiven but forgetting will take time till then …….. PEACE